what makes you stressed?
When I was about 17 I had an alarm clock in a shape of rooster which was supposed to sound like one too. Unfortunately it made wake up in the morning with palpitations. Not the ideal way to get going in the morning (especially if you are 17), believe me. After a week I went back to a more boring “beep beep” alarm clock and a much easier start of the day.
Stress can be caused by many factors, some of them are within our control and some are outside of our range of action. Whatever the cause may be, the only way to be in control of our stress level is by recognizing in which situations we are feeling stressed and decide how to react.
The best way to be aware of the stress level you are current experiencing is simply to start tracking it. Keep a journal for a week or two. Just make sure to have a small booklet on your desk or in your handbag or office bag. Any time you have the clear perception you are not in control, you feel under pressure, you experience frustration – in essence, any time you feel stressed – write it down. Track:
what happened (the situation)
when
what was the key cause of the event (the way you saw it)
how stressful you felt (from 1 to 10)
how you reacted.
Consider that you are trying to track facts on one side and your perception of them on the other. The glasses we put on when looking at a situation will determine how we react to it. The perspective we adopt will drive our response and the stress level.
Our believes (based on past experience, our background) and personality are the main items influencing our perspective. We can actively choose to take a different perspective and drive a different reaction to what makes us feeling stressed. Writing down what makes you stressed is a great way to increase awareness and helps us deciding how we want to react at the next occurrence. Talking to others about the options we have is a great way to crease a different perspective on the same situation.
The underlying concept, though, is that we need to want to change the way we react.
It is essential to be able to step back, recognize that we cannot change the past and believe we can change the future. It is a big step that takes us outside of our comfort zone and promise us to go from the paralysis caused by stress into getting control of our (re)actions.
Now, look back to the list you wrote. Look at the “how you reacted” column. Consider those questions:
Did it help? Did you feel in control the way you reacted?
What reaction could you CHOOSE to have next time that will give you the feeling you are on top of it?
Be careful, I am not suggesting that all events are within our control. I am suggesting we can REACT to them in a way that makes us feeling balanced.
Hence:
– Select the situations you cannot change. Accept them.
– Choose what you can influence. How?
– Define what you can realistically change. Define your (re)action and try to adopt it.
Personal confession: I am an anxious person who needed YEARS of training to accept that getting freak out in a traffic jam will not make me go faster. The (re-)action I normally plan is based on the impact of the delay – calling to say people I will be a few mins late is mostly sounding ridiculous as soon as I think it. So I adopted a couple of strategies: I instructed my children on what to do if I ever should be a little late in picking them up, so they do not get panicky (that is what I can INFLUENCE). I try to leave with a little margin (this is what I can CHANGE). But what helps me most when I am in the middle of it is to think: “OK, what happens if I am late?” And the answer is mostly: “actually… nothing…”(…just accept it!)
Something that made me feel ill at ease is as well to get nice complements. “Nice bag”. I was feeling so embarrassed, I never knew what to answer. Then I decided I will just start smiling and saying “Thank you!”. And I feel double stronger: because of the appreciation and because I was comfortable on what to said.
Last but not least: what to do when someone is starting shouting, as if you are guilty of no-idea-what (and maybe it is all about a parking lot or the last bottle of milk at the supermarket). Here is how I decided to react: I put on my nicest smile and I go with a “Hi! Are you fine? Anyone hurt?” or “How I can help you?” or something along those lines. Believe me: it works, everyone is much calmer and I feel on top of the world because I managed the situation instead of being managed.
We all have a choice: “there are no facts, only interpretations” (F. Nietzsche). What is your interpretation? What will be your reaction?
Disclaimer: This text is provided as an information resource only, and is not to be used or relied on for any diagnostic or treatment purposes. Pls. consult your general practitioner or health care provider for guidance about a specific or suspected medical condition related to the topic covered.
To learn more about how our thoughts impact our stress levels:
Stress management. Skills Training Course. Kathryn Critchley. Universe of Learning Ltd, 2010
