Martine worked in the European Parliament in Brussels and she quit her job a few weeks ago to pursue her dream job.
She came to coaching as she needed help to finish writing her PhD and continue with a healthy lifestyle in the same time. We had a 5 months coaching program.
The results? She finished her PhD within the deadline she wanted, got a new perspective on life and work and she pursued one of her dreams with a movie project.
Check the interview below to find out more about how she made it.
What did you learn during the coaching program?
a) What knowledge did you get?
First of all, and most importantly, I learned about the importance of accepting myself, with all the good and bad sides. Accepting myself, the things I have done or not done, the decisions and choices I have made, is essential if I want to go forward in life.
I have learned much better to manage my emotions, the positive and most importantly the negative ones. I have learned to canalize negative emotions such as guilt, or resentment and I have also learned to get rid of them. I have learned that I have the right to “feel” these emotions when they emerge in me, but I have also learned on how to let go of these emotions in order to be able to go forward. I have understood that all emotions have their place in our lives, and we have a right to manifest all of them in due time. But it is we who have the emotions, and not the emotions who control us. This is a truly liberating thought and feeling and something very important for me.
I have learned that every person who appears in our lives carries a form of message for us, or said in other words, a “lesson” or an experience. Even the persons whom we do not appreciate particularly, there are present in our lives so that we learn something from them, and most of the time it is something about ourselves that we learn by having to interact with these people. I have also learned that there is something good in every person, something positive, something admirable, a skill or a personality trait that can help me become a better person.
I have learned some of my essential values, such as passion, honesty and integrity – values on which I am not willing to compromise when it comes to my personal life, values which help me take decisions in moments when I feel confused. I have also learned to accept that others often have different values, and that they might not share my values at all. I have learned about the importance of accepting others with their values – not judging them with my own value scale.
I have learned that I have the right to live my life fully and ambitiously, and that I have the right to want to do great things. I have the right to be successful, smart and beautiful and that being all of this does not make me a lesser good person. If I feel good, I will create more good around me and this is very important for me. I have learned that I must take care of myself if I want to be able to take care of others.
b) What tools did you learn to use?
I have learned many useful time and life-management tools, stuff as simple as the pomodoro technique, which has helped me to be productive in the moments where I had very big difficulties to concentrate. I have learned again to use a journal, which is something I did naturally when I was younger, and then for some reason I stopped doing it later in life, when I actually probably most needed it.
I learned to meditate, which is something I still had prejudices about a few months ago. I still have no meditation routine, but it is one of my objectives after finishing my PhD, to develop a meditation routine as something part of my life hygiene. The few times I have meditated, it has helped me to get rid of anxiety, to feel more energized and focused during the day and to better fall asleep at night. Now I know that meditation is accessible to anyone, even children, and I understand the benefits of it.
Apart from meditation I learned other helpful relaxing techniques, breathing techniques, so-called tapping. I have also learned how to release stress, tension, energize and lift-up my mood with music and dancing, which is something I do regularly now.
I have also learned some tips about eating healthier and I am practicing these skills on a daily basis.
c) What skills did you develop?
Apart from becoming better at listening to myself, I have become better at listening to others. I have learned to replace expectation with appreciation and also how to practice gratitude in my daily life.
d) What did you discover about yourself?
I discovered that I feel fulfilled and satisfied when I help others, that I have more time for myself when I dedicate more time to others (my friends and family and the people I love in general). I have understood how much I am driven by passion and emotion and I have (re)discovered what my true values in life are. I have understood that if I don’t live my life according to my own values, I will not feel good. I have discovered how much creativity plays an important role in my life and I think this is an aspect of me I have neglected in my adult life, focusing my energy on my practical side. I used to think I would be a more effective person if I develop my practical side. Now I know that it’s the combination of those two aspects of my personality which make me truly shine. I have discovered some energy inside of me, something which was sitting there quietly in me: some weird drive to creation that makes me want to do fun things and experiment on different projects.
What were your objectives and in what measure did you reach them?
My number 1 objective was to finish my PhD and to be satisfied with the work done – this objective has been reached.
But apart from this objective, I also had the objective to learn more about myself, my qualities, valued and hidden wishes. I also had the objective of becoming a “better person”, better towards myself and towards others. This objective has also be reached.
What did you change in your life and in your behavior/attitude?
I have rarely felt as good about myself for such a long period in my adult life. I also realize how much all my relationships have improved in my life. The relationships which I didn’t appreciate got out of my life in a natural and non-painful way.
I feel very good and I now understand that this feeling is something that comes from within me, not from outside circumstances. I can’t control what happens in the world, but I can choose to see the world with different eyes.
