We have 13 days left until Valentine’s Day! Give a boost to your relationship this period! And do not stop to this period only, but create healthy habits that will help your relationship on a long term. One of these habits is this one:
Tip #2: Replace expectation with appreciation!
It happens very often that after the initial mad, passionate love passes, you start noticing the things that are not really beautiful in your partner. It’s not a bad thing that you see his/her imperfections, but if you love that person you should also see his/her qualities.
A lot of our pain in life comes from unfulfilled expectations. And the more you expect from your partner, the more you will suffer when he/she does not fulfill your expectations. Nobody can read your mind when you expect something and not all people can do things your way, according to your rules. Each one of us has his own rules and beliefs, we have different realities and different expectations.
So, stop taking things for granted and appreciate every time your partner does something for you. And it does not have to be something big. You can start by appreciating small things first: when he/she comes home in time or calls when having a minute or tells you nice words or does something to help you etc.
You are blind if now you are telling yourself that there is nothing to appreciate your partner for! You would not stay in this relationship any longer if there would be nothing to appreciate.
I remember with one of my clients that she always expected her partner to buy groceries because she was tired of doing it all the time by herself. First, she never told him that she wanted a little help. Second, even if sometimes he bought groceries for special dinners, she never told him “thank you” or “I appreciate you did this in my place”. She thought it was “his job” to do it and did not even say thanks. After we discussed in one session about her frustration, I asked her to find a way to show him she appreciates when he buys the groceries for the house. And, with the first occasion she did. He was really surprised and when he saw how happy she was about it he said he will do it again. This was funny because it took so little for her to get rid of her frustration. 🙂
You partner wants to make you happy. So whatever you appreciate in him or her, they will want to offer you more of it.
And once you you start noticing the qualities and the things to appreciate your partner for, the imperfections start fading away.
And this is not a tip only for your intimate relationship, but for any relation you have with your colleagues, parents and friends. Replace expectation with appreciation!
Inspiration for these tips: Tony Robbins and two of my favorite clients that taught me a lesson and showed me that love is above everything.
Photos: Lidia Dogaru
