Depending on where you find yourself right now, in which phase of your emotional journey, you will either feel relieved, or upset after reading the title I chose for this article. And, before I write more , I would like to say that it should not be understood in a negative sense… It is not meant like that, not at all.
What is perfection? And why do we aim for perfection?
We grow up, thinking that one day we will find the perfect partner, with whom we will have the perfect relationship. No hard times, no fights, no angry moments, just love and happy times… something that would be perfect. As we time goes by, we come to realize that perfection is not hard, but a lot of times, impossible to achieve. If we stay focused only on reaching perfection, we will not only forget to enjoy the journey, but will also find it hard to ever be happy. As human beings we learn from experience, we learn from achievements, and we also from our failures, and hard time, both in our professional and personal life.
What do you do when we reach the first obstacle, when your relationship goes through the first storm? Do you pack your things and run away, or do you open up and tent, and hold on tight till the sun comes up again?
I have learned that in order to be happy in a relationship, you first have to be happy with yourself… When was the last time you asked yourself, what your wants and needs are? And most importantly, when was it that you communicated them to your partner? When we don’t do that, when we don’t open up, and chose to hide things, that is when it become hard to be happy. And, I have done it too, as you can probably remember at least one time, when being in a relationship, you chose to hide some needs because of what your partner might think. We worry that we are not good enough, that we are not worthy of love, we make up scenarios in our minds, before we give the chance to our partners to hear our thoughts. Truth is that we all have our fears, we all have different needs and love languages, and only by communicating and being vulnerable, shall we be able to build strong and long lasting relationships, that can put up with storms and more.
I have mentioned “needs” a couple of times in this article, and that they are different for all of us. Us, women, have a tendency to require more certainty, we want our men to tell us that they love us every day, we need to hear it, in order to know they are still there for us. It is different for men, who tend to have as primarily need, the need for freedom. This is just a small introduction to the different needs that men and women have, but I trust you can already see that there is a clash between women’s need for certainty, and men’s need for freedom. So, what do we do to make things work? My answer would be, that we talk about them, we express them freely and openly, because if there is one person who could understand us, that would be the person who loves us unconditionally, and if your partners do understand, than you know you have the right person next to you.
I like to think about the feminine and masculine energy, as the yin and yang of our relationships. Each of them is based on a certain set of needs, and one of them will be the main one for each of the partners. If we take our focus away from the two extremes, we will notice the line that keeps them together, called “Tao” in the Chinese philosophy. To me, this line is the constant movement, the living process between the female and masculine energy, and how they have dance together toward finding their tao, their balance line.
If you are still with me at the end of this article, I would like to invite you to think about your needs, and about what makes you happy. If you are not yet in a relationship, that should help you find the person you are looking for, and if you are in a relationship, it shall make it stronger :).
I believe there is no perfect relationship, as there is no recipe for success. But, what I also believe is that there is the right relationship for you, and your recipe for success.