Bagno Vignoni. A bottle of wine. Talks.
I have experienced something new this weekend, on the eve of my birthday.
The emotion of someone who really listens and it is interested in what I had to say. The emotion of just speaking what I had in mind and in my heart.
It was not easy. As you might know, I am not a great talker of my personal stuff. I am an MCC, I am a person who likes helping people discover their path, but I save some issues when communicating my emotions and private thoughts.
So at some point of the night, the idea of drinking a bottle of wine just came out of nowhere (not really nowhere actually).
And I admit I was scared. Damn scared. Not because of the situation itself, but because of the loss of control. Loss of control on speaking my thoughts out loud. Fear of being judged and not accepted .. you know, all that stuff that we all face at some point in our lives.
But when the question “Do you want to do this?” arrived to me, I said to myself “Why not?“. It was quite a challenge. I mean, if I fear being accepted by someone who cares about me, there is no better way of testing my limits then speaking my thoughts. It’s like watching the demon in his face and saying “I am perfectly capable of doing this!”.
So I did. In a shy way, trying to explain some points of view, trying to find the way to speak out. It felt interesting, it felt scary, it felt like crying, it felt like an enormous effort and it felt good. It also felt surprisingly right.
I am not sure I can explain what this meant to me. It was an emotional moment. It felt like climbing a high mountain with a huge burden. And yes, sometimes we are so used to walking with all kind of burdens on our shoulders, that we fell this is normal.
I learned that if I don’t find the strength to speak my mind, I will not be understood. And if I am understood, I will shut down and be even more intolerant.
I learned that talking is a good way of knowing and understanding who we have in front of us, even if it requires a great effort. You wouldn’t have ever said that, huh? Well, some of us arrive at some conclusions later than others do, apparently. 🙂
But when we do arrive to these conclusions, we don’t want to go back anymore.
So find the strength to speak out loud, sometimes it can feel so damn good!